HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2

104

Alright,
So in yesterday’s post we’ve discussed 2 things -
1) Everything that bothers you is born within you, as it is formed by your perception of reality and not by reality itself.
2) In order to go deeper, you have to be willing to take responsibily for it – thus accepting non conditionally that YOU are the one who has to change.

That being said, 2day I’m gonna talk about a way to analyze what’s bothering you till u get 2 the bottom of it. For that matter, let us assume that you woke up 2day, looked at the mirror and decided that you have a “bad hair day” and therefore you are ugly. Gotcha! you blame the ugliness (an external factor) for your suffering (Worrying, low self-esteem). That happens a lot lately, and you already know that you can’t blame your ugliness for the fact that you feel bad, but only your attitude towards your look. (because you’ve read HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT”S BOTHERING YOU? #1)

So how do you turn inwards? Well, here is the magic trick: You ask WHY. And when you ask WHY, there are 2 things you have 2 keep in mind:
*) The answer has to point at you – not at anyone, or anything else. It has to point at the place where your attitude is coming from. (fear, fear, fear)
**) The answer has to point at the NOW. It can’t point at 1 minute ago, or 1 minute after. Only NOW – because you are bothered NOW.
And once you ask WHY, here’s the dialogue that will run in your head, till you find the source of your suffering (By asking WHY again and again):

Dialogue:
Q: Why am I so bothered by the fact that I have a bad hair day?
A: Because that means I’m ugly!
Q: No, we’ve already been there. No external factor is responsible for my suffering (*). (Asking WHY again) So, WHY does the fact that I’m ugly botheres me?
A: Because everyone will laugh at me.
Q: No, ‘everyone’ is an external factor again (*). ‘will laugh’ happens in the future (**). (Asking WHY again) WHY does the thought that everyone will laugh at me bothers me now?
A: Because, I’m afraid (YES YES YES) that I won’t have any friends! (The fear is internal and it is now – this is the answer)
Q: YES! (Now let’s go deeper) – but WHY does that fear bothers me?
A: Because, I’m afraid (good) that if I won’t have any friends, I will be alone.
Q: So? WHY does being alone bothers me? (deeper)
A: Because, I’m afraid (exactly) that if I’ll be alone, I won’t be happy.
Q: So, WHY does not being happy bothering me?
A: Because, I’m afraid (applause) that if I won’t be happy, I will die.

Mission accomplished.

Everything that bothers is constructed by many different fears, that all lead up to the root – the fear of death (Which leads to the love for life).
But what do you do with that information? Well, that post is becoming way too long, so I’ll discuss it 2morrow.

b.t.w there will also be a 4th post to that series, in which I will give some practical exercises to parctice this new way of self-aware way of thinking.

In the meanwhile -
No Fear,
LOVE.

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104 comments on “HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2

  1. thinqtanque says:

    Shit yeah !

    Kindest Regards,

    River Bradshaw~Milnes – Director Thinq Tanque Australia Pty Ltd Ph: 0403 618 884

  2. Pawandeep Kaur says:

    excellent post !!! LOved reading it :)

  3. not only is this right on, but it’s also really funny…it is exactly how we work, you’ve nailed it.
    and to think that most of us just stop with the bad hair day/ugly step.

  4. Dew Drops says:

    Very nicely put. An other perspective, that I would like to share from the Vedanta. Vedanta says our mind is the ‘Kurukshetra (sanskrit) / battle ground’. You may want to checkout – Fear and Fearless – http://bgft.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/what-drives-fear-in-us/

  5. Love this post and love the NOW, because it narrows down the complications we’ve created for ourselves. We can actually see as a result that, the now is not so bad after all, it’s even fine. The NOW is as well, the only thing that is tangible, that is real.
    Thank you.

  6. leelotchka44 says:

    Love it love it love it
    (and more of this in his 2beaware online-workshop, people.)
    And NO, he is not asking me to say this, and he is not paying me:-)

  7. greenermums says:

    This comes at the perfect time for me as I am currently worrying myself to death about my son at school. I just can’t seem to shake it off and it is so irrational. He is happy at school (only been there 2 months) but his teachers spoke to me about perhaps needing to work on a few areas of his development in communication – he is only 5 and they have already been testing the children!! This one negative comment from the teachers has set me off on a downward spiral of worry, fear, irrational thought and I can’t seem to let it go. Usually any negative thoughts that might pop into my head go of their own accord (and I realise it’s all irrational and self-induced) but I can’t get rid of this negativity. I look fwd to reading ur next instalments- see if they can help me help myself…

  8. Great post! I understand what you say by finding what exactly causes you to worry or fear, but I have a question.
    I can’t stand some people, the way they talk or just the fact that they talk too much. I know it’s a problem with me because I’m the one thinking it’s annoying, but I can’t stop myself from thinking that. It’s not for everybody that I talk to so how do I fix this? I’ve tried thinking to myself that it’s the same as talking to anyone, or that it’s not annoying, but after just a small time I find myself being annoyed. Is there a way to fix this?

  9. Slayer Muser says:

    Hey buddy.

    Love the analogy and the dialogue, but I’m not sure Socrates would approve of your method.

    Everything until “WHY does the thought that everyone will laugh at me bothers me now?” was fine. But then we hit the ideas of friends, loneliness and death. At this point, logical progression ceased.

    Why?

    Well, to use my arrogant self as an example:

    (a) I don’t want to have too many friends. Friends take time and;

    (b) I like being alone most of the time.

    (c) I do fear death, but this fear does not necessarily give me a love for life.

    (d) I do not believe that if I am unhappy I will die. No amount of trying to be unhappy has made me die so far! Being happy makes me fear death even more, because then the contrast between being joyfully alive and dead is so much greater. Being unhappy welcomes death. Or at least less afraid of it. Just ask Robert Browning (1812-1889):

    PROSPICE

    FEAR death? — to feel the fog in my throat,
    The mist in my face,
    When the snows begin, and the blasts denote
    I am nearing the place,
    The power of the night, the press of the storm,
    The post of the foe;
    Where he stands, the Arch Fear in a visible form,
    Yet the strong man must go:
    For the journey is done and the summit attained,
    And the barriers fall,
    Though a battle’s to fight ere the guerdon be gained,
    The reward of it all.
    I was ever a fighter, so — one fight more,
    The best and the last!
    I would hate that death bandaged my eyes, and forbore,
    And bade me creep past.
    No! let me taste the whole of it, fare like my peers
    The heroes of old,
    Bear the brunt, in a minute pay glad life’s arrears
    Of pain, darkness and cold.
    For sudden the worst turns the best to the brave,
    The black minute’s at end,
    And the elements’ rage, the fiend-voices that rave,
    Shall dwindle, shall blend,
    Shall change, shall become first a peace out of pain,
    Then a light, then thy breast,
    O thou soul of my soul! I shall clasp thee again,
    And with God be the rest!

    Do all fears come from a fear of death? Not sure. What else do I fear? Madness, mediocrity, being poor, not having a meaningful life, not having made a difference to the world (the worst part of my ego simply fears not being rich and famous (puke) ). Yeah, actually, perhaps all these things are tethered to the realisation that my time on Earth is finite. So maybe fear of death is the underlying fear.

    Perhaps, ultimately, and really, what we fear is not a physical death but the death of our ego.

    In “Living the Wisdom of the Tao”, Wayne Dyer uses the story of the parrot to explain this idea (check it out on YouTube by searching for “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life”).

    Here’s the story:

    Q U O T E

    The cage is the body

    A traveler from India went to Africa to acquire some local products and animals, and while in the jungle he saw thousands of beautiful multicolored talking parrots. He decided to capture a talking parrot and take it back as a pet.

    At home he kept his parrot in a cage and fed him wonderful seeds and honey, played music for his pet, and generally treated him well. When it was time for the man to return to Africa 2 years later, he asked his parrot if there was any message he could deliver to the parrot’s friends back in the jungle. The parrot told his master to say that he was very happy in his cage and that he was enjoying each day and to convey his love.

    When the traveler arrived back in Africa he delivered the message to the parrots in the jungle. Just as he finished his story, a parrot with tears welling up in his eyes fell over dead. The man was alarmed and decided that the parrot must have been very close to the parrot in the cage and that was the reason for his sadness and demise.

    When the traveler returned to India, he told his pet what had happened. As he finished his story, the pet parrot’s eyes welled up with tears and he kneeled over dead in his cage. The man was astounded, but figured that his pet died from the despair of hearing of the death of his close friend back in the jungle.

    The trader opened up the cage and tossed the dead bird outside onto the trash heap. Immediately his pet parrot flew up to a branch on the tree outside.

    The trader said to him, “So, you are not dead after all. Why did you do that?”

    The parrot answered, “Because that bird back in Africa sent me a very important message.”

    “What was the message?” the trader inquired impatiently.

    “He told me that if you want to escape from your cage, you must die while you are alive.”

    U N Q U O T E

    Thoughts?

    • Arindam Saha says:

      Hey Dude!

      I may not be the perfect person to answer, but here I give it a try.

      Death may not be the ultimate reason of fear. To live unhappily or live lonely is worse I suppose.

      Many people don’t like to have many friends. That is fine. But we all have people whom we love and care. It may be the fear of being ashamed in their eyes that may be the concern. Sometimes we fear our elders (parents etc.) as our state or deeds might wrong them and we might loose their guidance. This feeling of not doing wrong to the elders is called respect.

      In a nutshell

      1. We all have aims to be fulfilled in life. Without these, there is no life.
      2. For achieving those aims we require help from some other people.
      3. It is these people whom we fear.

      Now here I would add a subtle point which may serve as an example – about our parents. They were the first people who helped us survive in this world. We are highly indebted to them. Hence we must have a feeling of gratitude towards them. As we grow old, we tend to believe that their help or contribution to our lives has diminished to zero (which may or may not be true). And then the trader within us says “They are of no use; why respect them?”, and then starts the story of an arrogant son and sad parents.

      The point is why are they sad? Fear of old age and death? Probably not much. The main question bothering them there is “Is this what I wanted my child to be? Where did I go wrong that my child does not respect the input that I put in him?” Here the cause of fear is that of loosing a loved one, of failure in life and that of loneliness. You don’t have to be a very social being to feel the feeling of being lonely.

      (By the way I liked the story)

      And please forgive me if I have offended you unknowingly.

      • Slayer Muser says:

        Not at all, dear Arindam. You are the perfect person to answer because YOU are writing YOUR thoughts and YOUR feelings.

        You write well, and I like your angle about elders, parents, etc.

        But these are all ideas. None are necessarily right or wrong. We each have to find what is right for us and come to the realisation that, after all, we’re all one. You felt me. I feel you. We feel together. Ipso facto, cogito ergo sum, we are one. Together, we must – and now forgive me for copy/pasting from Obi-Wan Kenobi in ‘Star Wars’, “Use the force!”

    • bullzen says:

      I think that you hit it directly. We don’t fear a physical death, we know that this body will die. No matter what we do to try to extend it, no matter how much we exercise, no matter how well we eat, no matter what medicines we take, this physical body will die. Yet, the ego clings to and identifies with everything it comes into contact with. We are not our ego. We are not whatever we are identifying with at the moment. To me that is scary and thrilling. To no longer be an individual, but to lose that individuality and be part of something larger/greater. Like a raindrop falling into the ocean.

  10. agatharaisinslover says:

    Reblogged this on Journey in my boat.

  11. jenfbs says:

    Great series Ido. less fear more peace who wouldn’t want that?

  12. asklotta says:

    I think you are correct on a simplistic level….And for those who do view the world that way. But what if you already do accept all responsibility but yet another person who is narcissistic and possibly an alcoholic (at least her behavior is) keeps making bad decisions throws all the bad consequences on you and hence prevent joy/happiness/moving on?

  13. Great post, thank you for sharing.

  14. andyknaster says:

    This approach to solving a personal problem personalize the same approach we use in systems analysis to solving a systems problem. We call it a PERT chart (see http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/PERT). As a systems analyst I have come to understand that the best approaches to systems analysis apply to areas having nothing to do with information systems and information technology. Your solution to finding the root cause of a human dilemma just strengthens that theory. Fascinating.

  15. Adorada says:

    Thank you very much for your posts. A pretty much inspirational approach for me. Could you give me the permission to post them on my blog: http://www.adoradabijoux.wordpress.com? Even for the moment I am posting in Romanian Language, I’m working closely with some of the concepts that you’re lauching here. If you’ll give me not the permission, I will continue following you :-) Thank you in advance for your response, Dodo.

  16. karmatales says:

    Love the way you are explaining this! I can just feel the angst in myself and your other readers awaiting the next post/#3. I feel like I know what you are going to say :). This also gave me a wonderful idea for my next post especially after reading ‘Slayer Muser’s comment. I am reading a book right now called Ayurveda and the Mind by David Frawley I think you’d enjoy.
    Hope you are have a wonderful day!

  17. I really enjoyed reading your last couple posts. Keep up the great work!

  18. Healthy A-Z says:

    Answering WHY you feel the way you feel by focusing only on YOURSELF and only on NOW gives you (and no one else) control of your feelings. I know we all love that!! Ido, you are helping so many people with this dialog!

  19. kathrynword says:

    Synchronicity. I just finished a course in miracles lesson 26. It is a lesson in this type of thinking and analyzing the what you really fear and at the end of the exercise you conclude with ” that thought is an attack on myself”.

  20. KPdesign says:

    oooo! Excited for the next…..

  21. Beautiful and well written post! :-)

  22. I was originally stopping by to say thanks for liking my post, but I am so pleasantly surprised with your posts! I am a HUGE fan of self awareness. It’s the difference between living life or letting it live you. I learned something new from this post that I will apply the next time I am speaking to someone that says something reactive. :)

    Your Newest Fan,

    Dionne

  23. [...] HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2. [...]

  24. robin claire says:

    Very, Very, Very, good post!!

    Yes, I also believe that every disturbing thought I have comes down to the fear of death. I believe that we are more like dogs than cats. We need to be part of a pack because we don’t have the ability to hunt for food, and survive, alone. The pack is everything to most people. To our primitive selves, this is why the potential for being separated from the pack can feel like it will lead to our death.
    I’m a little more connected with the fear of death than I think most people are. My childhood, at the hands of a very violent father, involved the fear of death countless times. Also I was victim of a terrifying attack by a crazed maniac with a very big knife. I was sure I would not make it out alive. But I guess God had more plans for me because I survived it.
    I have looked death in the face a lot and, for most of my life, have feared it greatly. Then one day God came to my rescue and helped me overcome this fear. One day, I will write a post about how this was accomplished.

  25. smilecalm says:

    It’s wonderful in those moments of bathing in the beautiful wonders of life, with gratitude for conditions of happiness available in the present moment. It’s also true in moments of feeling our interbeing nature to have deep pain for the ill being of the world. To the extent there is choice, I prefer the pleasant moments, filled with compassion for all, that they be well, happy and safe.

  26. a4akanksha says:

    well written…loved reading it :)
    will bookmark this page :-D
    i totally agree its our attitude that we need to change…

  27. wow, Ido, thank you for your insight! it is just what i needed to read this morning. i will try this!

  28. mindfuldiary says:

    Another great post! :-)

  29. [...] HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2. [...]

  30. kdoriginalkd says:

    Simply true! Nothin more to say! :)

    Love your posts, love life and it will love you!

  31. [...] HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2. [...]

  32. Evie Garone says:

    Ido, It’s amazing how deeply you seem to affect people with your words. I’ve been reading and rereading your last 2 or 3 blogs to get a feel for what I wanted to take from them….again they are timely in my life. You are an interesting man. Thank you for sharing your thoughts….

  33. OneHotMess says:

    Magnificent! Thank you!

  34. Joe Cardillo says:

    What I like about what you’re up to (new reader here) is the application of philosophical thinking in every day life. Dialogue with one’s self has been around forever, and is a ninja skill of the highest order. I’m a firm believer that as humans our biggest challenge is to make joy in our lives and the lives of those around us, and acknowledgement of self (good/bad/confused/weird etc…) is the starting point.

  35. [...] HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2. [...]

  36. [...] HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2. [...]

  37. Again, very inspiring. RIght on the mark.

  38. Gina Marie says:

    Such a great message! Thank you for sharing. :-)

  39. angiegmiller says:

    Hello! I appreciate you visiting my blog and liking my most recent post. I was curious why you liked it though. Do you think you could provide some feedback? Have a great day!

  40. Very interesting topic.

  41. Teresa Cleveland Wendel says:

    This post, along with #1, remind me of a shrink I went to with similar ideas. He really pissed me off because I didn’t want to accept responsibility for my problems. I wanted to have him listen while I blamed someone else. Eventually, it started making sense. Thanks for the reminders.

  42. Fear=False Expectations Appearing REal! I LOVE you help people find what’s real!

  43. Nice. This is the same method project managers use to find root causes in the breakdown of processes. Should have known it could be translated to personal life.

  44. gaguilarq says:

    Interesting! I will put more reading into your blog. Thanks.

  45. Abrielle Valencia says:

    Brilliant post!!!

  46. Finally, the help I need is written in a way I can easily understand. Thanks!!

  47. Visiting this blog will be on my daily to-do list starting now :)

  48. Janet Rörschåch says:

    I am so glad you found my blog, because it meantI got to find you! WONDERFUL!

  49. onelove+ says:

    have you seen this?!

  50. [...] HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2. [...]

  51. kalabalu says:

    Thank you for visiting my blog and for liking my post. Yes, made me feel top of the world, I think I got more in one day..ever. Now , lets talk about ,Why? Answers are in degrees, but all are true. Appreciation is perhaps an integral part of acknowledgement, love and fear are deeper emotions, with death as a seal. But writers lives out many centuries, shakespeare..hi!yes, I remember you even if you are dead and gone..you made my life better..but I don’t know exactly, why you did that :)

  52. GumbyHeart says:

    Amazing! Can’t wait to read more! I wish you were closer! I need a counseling session!

  53. N says:

    So true, everything begins and finds its meaning through perception. And all perception is channeled through all our doubts, insecurities and conditioning that can be stripped to the that one massive concept- fear. And on that note- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU7HD1tldd0

  54. lecox says:

    Dude, I have 2 questions for you:

    1) Where did you learn this stuff? In other words, what’s your source material? Is there a book someone could read?

    2) What about subconscious material that one is not going to be able to access on one’s own? Do you discount the importance of that? Or are there deeper techniques that you are aware of?

    • Ido Lanuel says:

      Hi Lecox,

      There are many ways to learn, many sources of information. But the best source is just to look at oneself all the time. This is the way for a real understanding. I do it through meditations.

      If you would like to start by reading, the first book I’d suggest is “The Power Of Now” By Eckhart Tolle.

      The subconscious is accessible if one wants to go there. It is also done by various techniques of Meditation. But it never is the point. We should start with the consciouss which with time become more and more quiet. Than, the subconscious can reveal itself whenever neccassery.

      Peace.

      • Slayer Muser says:

        Yes, Ido, yes! Anything by Eckhart Tolle or Wayne Dyer is wonderful.

        Following on from my comment about death of the ego, this is my final comment before letting this go. Actually, it’s the final line of The Prayer of Saint Francis:

        “It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.”

  55. tinahue says:

    Great Post! It is so lovely!

  56. nadiafriza says:

    I used to read that diagram back in college :D
    And actually the correct diagram should be using fish bone diagram, if you want to find the root cause of anything ;)

  57. Tienny says:

    Ido, thank you for sharing about this post. Yup, I also fear not being able to provide for my parents who has taken care of me and even let me pursue my studies. So I’m trying to improve my skill.
    And I want to thank you for liking my “Abstract” Photography.

  58. Very enlightening post and revealing to those who are in denial that everything external is something that should effect our perception of reality. Fear is a great motivator in life and will tarnish our outlook on life if we let it dominate our mindset. BTW, thanks for visiting my blog today and clicking on the “Like” button to my most recent post. Keep up the good work you’re doing here. Cheers!

  59. Delft says:

    Completely agree. But people, sometimes even ourselves, don’t like to hear it because we’re so imbued with the blame culture. We’ve learnt to avoid escape feeling the pain or fear that is in us by blaming someone.

  60. _/|\_ Shalom Brother Ido, Namaskar! I LOVE the Use of an Algorithm! Now THAT’S Creative Blogging!! :~) _/|\_

  61. Impower You says:

    Great post. I reblogged it.

  62. veva525 says:

    I admire your idea of internal dialoguing very much, and following each negative thought or worry to its logical conclusion. Great post, and looking forward to reading more from you.

  63. The Savvy Senorita says:

    Hey,
    Enjoyed reading your post. Just wan to also thank you for visiting my blog and reading my posts! :)
    Take care, Bex

  64. kelihasablog says:

    Wow… great post. Love that cat picture too….LOL
    I nominated you for the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”. You can find details on my blog https://kelihasablog.wordpress.com/ …. I hope you will enjoy it, but if not, I understand.

  65. kate riley says:

    thanks for that-if I “out” myself, I can’t control how people react. But I can control my reaction or my attitude about the problem. I’m fearful of losing my friends, being alone and dying.

  66. I been trying to get through to your blog for along time and kept arriving at the page with the duck but now I went into self awareness I found you post ~ I look forward to check out you whole blog , thanks for visiting my blog.

  67. Marusia says:

    Ido,
    The Brazilian band “J. Quest” recorded a great song. This is a part of the lyrics (free translation): “Hey, Fear! I don’t hear you anymore. You don’t take me anywhere. If you want to know where I’m going – I’m going where the sun shines.”(“Ei, medo! Eu não te escuto mais. Você não me leva a nada. E se quiser saber pra onde eu vou, pra onde tenha sol: é pra lá que eu vou.”).
    Wonderful blog! Thank you for visiting mine! :)

  68. lottawanner says:

    Thank you! Again! :) I think you got it all right. Reading Eckhart Tolle is a great way to start seeing things in a bigger perspective.

  69. swatik6 says:

    Nice observation combined with lovely words :)

  70. inapendit says:

    I love this. <3 also the meme …

  71. Sounds a lot like the Downward Arrow in CBT!

    • robin claire says:

      I’m curious, I’ve heard about DBT. but what exactly is CBT

      • CBT stands for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy – in a nutshell it looks at how unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviour can exacerbate low mood and anxiety. An initial first step is working out what exactly our inner commentary is saying – for people who are depressed it’s often things like – “I’m useless, I always get things wrong, this is hopeless” Unfortunately, when you get depressed, your brain is more likely to jump straight to these really severe, toxic conclusions about yourself. CBT tries to redress this balance by teaching you to really examine the validity of your thinking and to change thinking patterns. DBT or Dilectical Behaviour Therapy is an offshoot of CBT – hope that makes sense!

  72. “You are the one who has to change.” I stopped reading, then I came back.
    I KNOW the WHY game… very well.. it works… very well.
    But here’s a question…. how to find balance from perhaps “too” much looking inward. It can turn, at times, to blame of self, when perhaps another is playing a part as well. (does this make sense?) But perhaps you’re saying… look inward, figure it out, then step forward again. Yes?
    By the way.. thank you for visiting my blog. It”s nice, meeting new people. Even if it is on the internets.

  73. i came to self awareness a little backwards. i approached from a place of love and peace after years of meditation and emptying my life, my mind, and my heart. and from that place of power, i was able to abandon fear. all fear. then the questions were easily answered. i love that you’ve actually put together a process for others to use. great job!

  74. Summer says:

    Very interesting, Ido. I need to learn this, and i will learn this.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Have op lovely day.

    Greetings, Summer

  75. David Kidane says:

    That is by far the best cat photo i have seen in my life and i am not a big cat fan.
    But outside of that i really enjoyed the article though i am not that likely to have a bad hair day i understand the point.
    So keeping them coming (articles not cats but if they are really that funny keep them too).

  76. Jess says:

    Do you believe the root of all fears has to be the fear of death?

    I used to think my biggest problem with procrastination is fear of failure but after looking internally I discovered it was the fear of succeeding. Its very easy to fail but it takes a lot of hard work and risk of the unknown to succeed.

  77. JJBollOX says:

    “Because, I’m afraid (exactly) that if I’ll be alone, I won’t be happy.
    Q: So, WHY does not being happy bothering me?”
    A.N. Other answer: “Because If I’m not happy then I won’t be happy and that’s not good.”
    OK so, you are afraid of being unhappy, so the thought that you might be unhappy is enough to make you unhappy?
    “Well, no; well, yes but, it’s other people not liking me that makes me unhappy”
    “Other people not liking you? Or YOU thinking that those other people don’t like you?”
    “Well if I think that they don’t like me that is because they don’t!”
    “Ah, so it’s YOUR THINKING that makes it so?”
    Yes we know that this goes on and around. Yet it is a real life common example and I could not help but hear it re-run as I read your part two.
    Thank you. I’m now allowed to read part 3 :-D)

  78. I am sure there is a famous quote/saying about fear trapping you, just can’t remember it. Or am I just thinking about Batman Begins? Fear is a difficult “monster” as it comes in many guises and remains hidden most the time. I am a big believer in that everything you do is a “choice” (you may not like the choices necessarily), and a lot of the time “fear” (either known or unknown) will drive this choice. Thanks for sharing, and will read tomorrows post for sure.

  79. Odette says:

    Used this a little in today’s post :)
    - Emmerson, Odette’s writer.

  80. [...] To Be Aware – It’s About Disbelieving Your Thoughts [...]

  81. Argus says:

    The only opinion of you that matters a damn in this world … is your own.

    As for looking for Root Causes: just keep on asking ‘why?’ until you can go no further.

  82. Argus says:

    “Fear death”? Why? Been there, done that—we all have.

    You were just as dead before you were born as you will be after you pop your clogs. You already know what it’s like (and were actually quite comfortable) so what’s the worry?
    For myself I do NOT dread the destination (but don’t look forward to the trip). So is the ‘fear of death’ actually ‘the dread of dying’?

    If the Big Bang was fifteen billion years ago then it’s safe to say that you’ve been dead for fifteen billion years—so it’s your ‘three score years plus ten’ that is the anomaly; being dead is the norm. Get used to it …

  83. [...] HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2. [...]

  84. sakuraandme says:

    I hate the thought of being alone. Crazy right? hugs Paula x

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