How To Find The Root Of Anything That Is Bothering You? #3

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Alright so this is the last of post of this series, and in this one I’m going to explain what can be done once the root of the suffering is recognized correctly. (If you still didn’t read #1 & #2 plz do so before reading this post). In the last 2 posts, we’ve learned that the root of anything that bothers us is a fear which arises inside, and although it might seem often that a problem is external to us (“I’m angry because I’ve scheduled a meeting with someone who didn’t show up” – wrong) it is actually internal (“I’m angry because I’m afraid that because he didn’t show up, my business plan won’t come up as planned -> I’ll lose money -> I won’t have anything to eat -> I will die” – right). We’ve also learned how to analyze this tree of fears, till we get to the bottom of it.
And now, the big question is – “I recognized the root fear, what can I do with it?”

OK, So in order to answer this question I would like to create a seperation between 2 types of fears – The one that stops you from taking an action (quitting your job), and the one that triggers an emotional reaction (Anger, worry, low self-esteem).

1. The fear that stops you from taking an action – This fear is the fear of quitting your job, finding a new habit because you are afraid that you are not gifted enough, cleaning your house because you “hate it”. Well than, once you already found that the fear is what stopping you from taking an action, though it might be frightening in some cases like quitting your job, you take a very deep breathe and… JUST DO IT. Seriously, once you know that the fear is holding you back, face it. You are going to die someday you know, and you better not be led to your grave by this fear :-)
If this is the case, you might wanna take a look in a previous post of mine – How To Change Your Life.

2. The fear that triggers an emotional reaction (Anger, worry, low self-esteem) – This is the fear that is hiding behind all of your accusations (“I’m angry because HE/SHE lied to me”, “I hate all the politicians”…), behind your low self-esteem (“I’m ugly”, “I’m not funny/smart/good at anything”), and behind the many years of worry for all kinds of different things (Money, for example).
In this case, once you analyzed the whole tree of fears as discussed in the previous post and got to the root fear, well.. that’s all you can do basically. Thing is, that this is the only thing you need to do. Once you see the whole tree of fears that triggered your emotional reaction, a magical thing happens in your brain – It is starting to untie itself and restructures. The next time you will look in the mirror and feel bad because you think you are ugly, you will immediately know that this is just a fear and feel a little better. The next time, it will happen again, and you will feel a bit better again. After a while, this fear won’t have any hold on you anymore (And so does many other fears that are tied to it inside your brain). You will completely get over it, to the rest of your life. This is a quite a good thing, overcoming your fears, isn’t it? :-)

PEACE.

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47 comments on “How To Find The Root Of Anything That Is Bothering You? #3

  1. I love these three posts! So simple yet so true. I recommend Osho (any of his books) to read more about fear, even if these posts do sum it up perfectly. Also reminds me of a book called Art & Fear: on the joys and perils of art making. Thanks for the post!

  2. Lindsay Hawk says:

    Well put!!! A lightbulb went on after reading this series!!! Excellent truths and breakdowns pointed out so clever! Now I know what to do to get my sel esteem up!! Thank you :D

  3. anspired says:

    Great post. A good reminder of one of my mantras “To thine own self be true.” Thank you.

  4. My French Heaven says:

    I love your blog. I really do! Great post

  5. Sandra says:

    As good as usual. Thanks for sharing. S XX

  6. cafecasey says:

    This post was a gift:) I’ve been thinking of this very issue–dealing with the fears inside me are one thing, but in my transitions, I have failed to consider the fears of others…family, friends, etc, which come across as different emotions. It’s very helpful. Thanks for connecting with me so that I could find YOUR material and really have some things to think about:)

  7. Miya Autumn says:

    Well…as for me, overcoming my fears didn’t mean they went away. There’s just a major change ahead of me and nothing is fixed yet…tssssss…actually I AM afraid…that what I want possibly might not happen. Nontheless, I put every effort in it to make it happen.
    Just posted on my experiences of going to China 7 years ago. I got kind of panicky back then when only thinking about what I was going to do, but in the end it turned out great!

    http://miyaautumn.com/2012/11/11/those-what-ifs/

  8. Healthy A-Z says:

    And one day you finally see…and everything just shifts…and your heart opens…and life takes on a whole new meaning. Ah, peace!

  9. Very nice post and amazing picture too, life is a delicate balance but, once we find it, it’s bliss!

  10. Yes, overcoming fears IS a good thing. Great series of posts here. :)

  11. nikkix2 says:

    Awesome post.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  12. Thank you for this series. Your words are great reminders and little kick inthe pants to “just do it”.
    Paula
    stylist & stiletto maven

  13. Thank you for your contribution to the world!

  14. weejars says:

    Amazing insights provided in all three posts. Thank you – it is so helpful to recognise fear for what it is! Fear, be gone!!

  15. Abrielle Valencia says:

    You are such an amazing writer. You continue to inspire others with every post. I love your positive energy. It’s contagious. :-)

  16. sp56h says:

    I’ve looked forward to each of these posts and there is much sense in what you say BUT knowing the fear and confronting it doesn’t always change things, certainly not overnight and probably never completely. I’ve lived with anxiety all my life. I know my fear and sometimes I do deal with it but other times I am back to square one. Sometimes the fear just takes over and even though I know where it comes from and know I have dealt with this before I cannot deal with it and have to back off. It will always be a battle but sometimes I have to let it win for my sanity! Next time I will meet it head on and go through it. At least I am winning more than losing now!! I have to say that praying has helped even if at the time I didn’t think the man himself was listening. He didn’t change things but I realise he’s been along side me and given me the strength to do things that in the past I wouldn ‘t have done.

    As for the part about ditching a job, that is not so easy in this current climate. No you won’t die but if you have a partner and children is that fair on them? Without careful planning you could land up in debt, nowhere to live etc. Nothing is that clear cut. There are many people in the world doing things they would rather not but poverty is real to them and they don’t have a choice. Unfortunately this is not an ideal world, too many people are obsessed with the self, greed and power.

  17. swatik6 says:

    Indeed a cool advice to overcome the second kind of “fear”. At times, such written methods do work in real life. Just think of the two simple words “Be Positive”. If following the road of negative thoughts, the use of above two simple words work wonders in lowering your “fear” against any misfortune. Adding a cherry to this, one can also try “all is well” – whatever happens in life is for a reason and things that do not take place do carry an extra weight.

  18. mindfuldiary says:

    I would agree with most, but I also have a BUT. The way you put it is very black or white. This is where BUT comes in. Life also has very many grey areas (in variety of shades). For example, if you wish to quit the job, you can be aware of your fear(very much so!), you even accept it, but you also aknowledge the fact that, we currently deal with financial crisis(sounds like a fear but it’s really a fact), you probably have a family to feed (fact) and bills to pay (fact). So the truth is you really can’t quit the job. Not because of the fear. But because you have responsibilites (family, children, education fee to pay, home, medical bills etc.). That would be highly irresponsible and selfish. Right? All I’m trying to point out is that yes, find your fears, face/accept them, but some of them can take some time to deal with (due to extrenal circumstances). Combine your fears with facts and be patient with some (or many) of them. My advice is to trust your inner voice and look at the facts, then make a decision according to that. best :-) Kristi

    • Jess says:

      But I do believe that fear can keep you locked into that job that is keeping you miserable. Yes people have kids and a mortgage so they wouldnt quit and have NOTHING.

      However there is nothing to say that they cannot acknowledge their fears, acknowledge thjey are not happy and then take steps to change it.

      They can start by making a list of jobs that would make them HAPPY and then start applying or researching the best ways to change thier life.

      I think its dangerous and fearful to believe anyone is trapped because of the financial crisis. We can do anything that we want to do if we believe in ourselves :)

      On a positive note: I have always found that if I am actively doing something that makes me HAPPY and is for my higher good then things manifest easily and quickly. Its all about co-creation :)

      xoxox

      • mindfuldiary says:

        Agreed! We are on the same page. :-) I just think that since there are so many younger people reading this, JUST DO IT slogan is not appropriate here, as it can have negative consequences for someone following it literally. Someone can actually quit their job, face their fears here and now, but as a consequence find themselves in economicaly bad place. How is that positive? That’s just not smart, if you ask me. So,face your fear! Sure. Definetly do something about things you’re not happy about as soon as possible(the sooner the better), but be aware that some things you’re not happy about, can take longer time to change, but it does not mean you should feel trapped. You just need to accept it for a short time, that this is how it is for now. Accept the NOW! Life will take care of things when the time is right (remain positive and responsible). Peace. :-)

      • Jess says:

        Well said, I have seen two people successfully follow the Just Do It but they had an amazing support network and were able to quickly move into the job they wanted.

        Actually both were healers. I think their subconscious and higherself were wanting them to just quit and make that critical leap of faith.

        I think the really important thing that I have go from this article and my conversation with you – is be aware. Ask ourselves what WE want to do, basically be conscious.

        I believe that if we do have a ‘purpose’ or something that we should be doing and we follow that dream or prompting – then things just unfold almost like a miracle.
        :)

      • Mental attitude is one thing, deciding what to do another.
        I like Epictetus’s approach, which is that there are two kinds of problem – ones you can do something about, and ones you can’t. Regarding the former, decide what you are going to do and take the next step (and the next…). Regarding the latter, accept.
        In neither case is worry in the least helpful.

  19. Jess says:

    Hmmmm lots of lovely spelling mistakes in the above post *blushes*

  20. Was just thinking about fear this morning, but this explains it so much better. I love the line about the brain re-structuring itself. Gives me hope.

  21. I just found this blog and now in a few weeks I’m going to lose it. I guess the universe has decided my path is on the streets for now.

  22. sagedoyle says:

    I’ve nominated you for the Reader Appreciation Award, have a look at my site to read about it http://wp.me/p2DnTA-pE Thanks for being a dedicated reader! Sage

  23. Well put. Fear is infectious and toxic to our bodies. I’m so glad people are finally taking in an open way about it.

  24. Wanted to say, thanks for stopping by my blog and liking “tell me to celebrate and i’ll punch you straight in the face. guaranteed.”! Looking forward to more posts on the “How to find the root…” series!

  25. […] How To Find The Root Of Anything That Is Bothering You? #3 (idolanuel.com) […]

  26. The idea that one is ugly (which you use as an example) is usually false. Even if one has not been blessed with exquisite looks, it is the smile within that people will respond to.

    (I say in my dating book, a man is going to be more attracted to an average-looking woman with a beautiful smile than to a sour-faced super-model, and it works just the same way for men’s attractiveness for women. The bigger the inner smile the more true this is.)

    Thanks for liking my blog post!

  27. […] How To Find The Root Of Anything That Is Bothering You? #3. […]

  28. Very good brother, to fear is human. But we must overcome our fear, live with it & control it. The way of the samurai also try to control your fear. When they conquer the fear inside, they will fight for the best they can do, that’s all. But many times in a battle a fearless samurai end alive, the opponent died.

  29. Fear is the Mind Killer

    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

    Bene Gesserit litany against fear.
    From Frank Herbert’s “Dune“.

  30. […] recently read in a post that we have to find the root of the thing that is bothering us in order to overwhelm […]

  31. muhgel says:

    so it all comes down to awareness.. thanks for making it easy to comprehend and action on!

  32. Hetero Loco says:

    Fear is an emotion that has evolved in animals because it has survival value. There are many things we should be afraid of. The trick is knowing what things really do threaten us v. things that just think threaten us. It is always a good idea to examine your fear (and other emotions as well) I don’t think we should want it to go away. I mean if somebody is trying to stab you with a knife or push you over a cliff, your fear, if properly expressed, will save your life.

  33. fredphillips says:

    Great post. I have been healing root cause fears for 20 years and your process is spot on … very similar to that described by Brandon Bays in her book, The Journey. One thing I would add is that quite often when we unlock this fear, it finds a way to leave our body … through anger. When this happens, the best way to express it is to stick your head in a pillow and scream until it’s gone (when you feel better)! Cheers!

  34. Your thoughts are mind striking and forced me to think what I do in such type of situations. 1 more thing you have lot of fans who like you. Great job.

  35. LindaF says:

    Thank you, Idolanue. Your blog is truly insightful, inspiring, and motivating!
    Linda etal

  36. Ruby says:

    Great advice, your blog is awesome! It’s nice that you are staying, I saw you wrote that you have more stuff to say. I will be around! Thank you for stepping by my blog, have a beautiful day!

  37. taishinana says:

    So true. I guess I have problem to clean the house. Yes, I hate it. But, I still do it. Cleaning the house allows us to live comfortable and healthy.

  38. Argus says:

    The saying is “Feel the fear and do it anyway” (or was that ‘and’ a ‘but’)?
    So it boils down to just “Do it.”~?

    I see fear as an essential survival mechanism. Graveyards are bulging at the seams with fearless …

  39. […] How To Find The Root Of Anything That Is Bothering You? #3. […]

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