How To Find The Root Of Anything That Is Bothering You? #3

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Alright so this is the last of post of this series, and in this one I’m going to explain what can be done once the root of the suffering is recognized correctly. (If you still didn’t read #1 & #2 plz do so before reading this post). In the last 2 posts, we’ve learned that the root of anything that bothers us is a fear which arises inside, and although it might seem often that a problem is external to us (“I’m angry because I’ve scheduled a meeting with someone who didn’t show up” – wrong) it is actually internal (“I’m angry because I’m afraid that because he didn’t show up, my business plan won’t come up as planned -> I’ll lose money -> I won’t have anything to eat -> I will die” – right). We’ve also learned how to analyze this tree of fears, till we get to the bottom of it.
And now, the big question is – “I recognized the root fear, what can I do with it?”

OK, So in order to answer this question I would like to create a seperation between 2 types of fears – The one that stops you from taking an action (quitting your job), and the one that triggers an emotional reaction (Anger, worry, low self-esteem).

1. The fear that stops you from taking an action – This fear is the fear of quitting your job, finding a new habit because you are afraid that you are not gifted enough, cleaning your house because you “hate it”. Well than, once you already found that the fear is what stopping you from taking an action, though it might be frightening in some cases like quitting your job, you take a very deep breathe and… JUST DO IT. Seriously, once you know that the fear is holding you back, face it. You are going to die someday you know, and you better not be led to your grave by this fear :-)
If this is the case, you might wanna take a look in a previous post of mine – How To Change Your Life.

2. The fear that triggers an emotional reaction (Anger, worry, low self-esteem) – This is the fear that is hiding behind all of your accusations (“I’m angry because HE/SHE lied to me”, “I hate all the politicians”…), behind your low self-esteem (“I’m ugly”, “I’m not funny/smart/good at anything”), and behind the many years of worry for all kinds of different things (Money, for example).
In this case, once you analyzed the whole tree of fears as discussed in the previous post and got to the root fear, well.. that’s all you can do basically. Thing is, that this is the only thing you need to do. Once you see the whole tree of fears that triggered your emotional reaction, a magical thing happens in your brain – It is starting to untie itself and restructures. The next time you will look in the mirror and feel bad because you think you are ugly, you will immediately know that this is just a fear and feel a little better. The next time, it will happen again, and you will feel a bit better again. After a while, this fear won’t have any hold on you anymore (And so does many other fears that are tied to it inside your brain). You will completely get over it, to the rest of your life. This is a quite a good thing, overcoming your fears, isn’t it? :-)

PEACE.

HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT’S BOTHERING YOU? #2

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Alright,
So in yesterday’s post we’ve discussed 2 things -
1) Everything that bothers you is born within you, as it is formed by your perception of reality and not by reality itself.
2) In order to go deeper, you have to be willing to take responsibily for it – thus accepting non conditionally that YOU are the one who has to change.

That being said, 2day I’m gonna talk about a way to analyze what’s bothering you till u get 2 the bottom of it. For that matter, let us assume that you woke up 2day, looked at the mirror and decided that you have a “bad hair day” and therefore you are ugly. Gotcha! you blame the ugliness (an external factor) for your suffering (Worrying, low self-esteem). That happens a lot lately, and you already know that you can’t blame your ugliness for the fact that you feel bad, but only your attitude towards your look. (because you’ve read HOW TO FIND THE ROOT OF ANYTHING THAT”S BOTHERING YOU? #1)

So how do you turn inwards? Well, here is the magic trick: You ask WHY. And when you ask WHY, there are 2 things you have 2 keep in mind:
*) The answer has to point at you – not at anyone, or anything else. It has to point at the place where your attitude is coming from. (fear, fear, fear)
**) The answer has to point at the NOW. It can’t point at 1 minute ago, or 1 minute after. Only NOW – because you are bothered NOW.
And once you ask WHY, here’s the dialogue that will run in your head, till you find the source of your suffering (By asking WHY again and again):

Dialogue:
Q: Why am I so bothered by the fact that I have a bad hair day?
A: Because that means I’m ugly!
Q: No, we’ve already been there. No external factor is responsible for my suffering (*). (Asking WHY again) So, WHY does the fact that I’m ugly botheres me?
A: Because everyone will laugh at me.
Q: No, ‘everyone’ is an external factor again (*). ‘will laugh’ happens in the future (**). (Asking WHY again) WHY does the thought that everyone will laugh at me bothers me now?
A: Because, I’m afraid (YES YES YES) that I won’t have any friends! (The fear is internal and it is now – this is the answer)
Q: YES! (Now let’s go deeper) – but WHY does that fear bothers me?
A: Because, I’m afraid (good) that if I won’t have any friends, I will be alone.
Q: So? WHY does being alone bothers me? (deeper)
A: Because, I’m afraid (exactly) that if I’ll be alone, I won’t be happy.
Q: So, WHY does not being happy bothering me?
A: Because, I’m afraid (applause) that if I won’t be happy, I will die.

Mission accomplished.

Everything that bothers is constructed by many different fears, that all lead up to the root – the fear of death (Which leads to the love for life).
But what do you do with that information? Well, that post is becoming way too long, so I’ll discuss it 2morrow.

b.t.w there will also be a 4th post to that series, in which I will give some practical exercises to parctice this new way of self-aware way of thinking.

In the meanwhile -
No Fear,
LOVE.

How To Find The Root Of Anything That’s Bothering You? #1

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This is the 1st post out of 3 that will help you gain a better understanding of the root of anything that is bothering you in your life. This thing – called fear, has many levels and it shows itself in various ways. A deep understanding of it, will help you find it behind each and every one of its masks and to overcome it.

There are 2 things that need to be understood before we can go any deeper. The 1st thing is the recognition that ANYTHING that bothers you comes from within YOU. Seriously, I mean anything. Let me explain – think of the last time that something made you feel worried. If you would place all the people in the world in the same situation, will they all be worried? Ofcourse not. Different people, with different life experiences and different thoughts, respond differently to the same situation. So did the situation create the problem, or was it the one who perceived it? Was your worry objective or subjective?

Am I saying that you are responsible for the fact that your boss just fired you from work and now you don’t have any money? No. What I’m saying is that this is not what bothers you. What bothers you is the worry that arise as a result. And this worry is just fear wearing a mask. Therefore, the fact that you just got fired can be handled without the fear (worry) that is currently involved and is what causing you suffering. As Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean) said:

Now, the 2nd thing that needs to be discussed and understood, is that in order to recognize (and solve) the things that bother you, you have to make a decision to do so. A decision to start looking at yourself, all the time, and understand that nothing, nothing, is responsible for your suffering but your perception. You don’t agree with me? than you will become a slave for an endless amount of randomly changing external factors for the rest of your life. What do you choose?

All that being said, tomorrow I will explain how to analyze each and every thing that bothers you, find all the different fears that are involved (there are a few in each situation) and finally how to overcome them all.

No Fear,
LOVE.

How to change your life?

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Lately, many people ask me after reading my about page or posts like Follow Your Heart – “how do you do that?”. Many people around me are very interested in how I manage to live a full and dynamic life, so here it is.

First of all, life is a game, and I believe that we should all find the ways to enjoy it as much as we can. This being said, we all have many things that need to be changed in order to enjoy this game (Changes are the flow of this game called ‘life’). These changes can be major, like ending a relationship or quitting a job (Doing major changes means that you are about to win this game), can be mediocre like finding a new creative habit (you are defintely winning this game), and can be minor – like going out and play with a friend / family member 2day (jackpot).

So, here’s how I find what I want to change, and here’s also how I do it:
(1) Find out what needs a change – This is the most important part. Take a pen and a paper and write down all the pieces of the pie you call ‘my life’. It consists of your habits (“I don’t have enough habits” is also a piece of this pie), ALL your relationships, your job, the place where you live, the things you eat and so on.. YOU HAVE TO SEE IT ALL WRITTEN INFRONT OF YOUR EYES.
(2) Examine – For each piece of this pie, HONESTLY ask yourself if it serves you or not (and why). By ‘serves’ I mean helps you to achieve ALL your dreams (My dream is to live a varied life, so this is a good reason to change things often).
(3) Find what stops you – Now, write what are the reasons that you didn’t change those things so far (“because I’m afraid that…”)
(3.5) Don’t let the fear arise – At this point the voice in your head will start screaming – “You can’t do it!! You don’t have enough money!! You won’t have any friends!! This is stupid!!!” – Give him a cookie or something.
(4) Look beyond your fears – Choose the first thing that needs a change, and change it NOW. As Nike slogan says – JUST DO IT.

* I have a friend who has a job that doesn’t serve him anymore. He doesn’t quit it because he doesn’t know what will happen after he quits. Because he is working most of the time in a job he doesn’t like, he can’t find the time nor the strengths, to fully look for a new direction in his life. Don’t fall down to that trap – the first thing is to assertively CUT all the things that shouldn’t be there. Only than you can find new things to fill up the hole.

No Fear.
LOVE.

Follow your heart

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I’ve always had this dream, in which I’m sitting on a beautiful beach in paradise, just living my life there, doing what I love and have to do.

And I was just holding it there, in the back of my head, letting the dream rest, totally ignoring the background voices – the thoughts that appeared, the “right” and “wrong” of my surroundings.

One day, my heart started talking. It was a different language than my mind’s language. It was not a language made of words, it was a language made of chest vibrations, sounds and feelings. It is a language made of Universe’s dance.  And no matter how big was the collision between my heart and my mind, it was so clear that one speaks truth and the other is just a great lier.

Two weeks ago I’ve opened my eyes on a white beach in Mauritius, now doing all I Love and Have to do here in the next few months.

Thank you heart, for leading me through each and every moment of my life.

Thank you great silence, for being eternily present.

Thank you, all that there is, for being.

Free Will / By Jeff Foster

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Is there free will or no free will? Perhaps it was always the wrong question. A more fundamental question: Is there anyone here separate from life in the first place, who can ‘have’ free will or not? Perhaps even the appearance of free will and choice, or lack of them, are not personal at all. Perhaps ‘free will’ and ‘lack of free will’ are just two more concepts arising and dissolving in the non-conceptual vastness that you are….